There will never be a biography about me, and therefore no title, because:
- I am not interesting.
- I will never be interesting, even if I was on fire.
- I have never broken new ground in anything.
- I am short, dumpy, and weird.
- I would not look good on the cover of a book anybody would ever care to read even if it was a mandatory seventh grade English assignment.
- My experience of the world generally includes the word “no”.
- Danny DaVito would, were such a book ever produced and then turned into a movie, play me. And he’d be the better looking, more interesting of the two of us.
As stated above, there will never, ever be a biography written about me, so shoo.